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Old 03-15-2007, 12:47 PM   #1
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Default "How to photograph a puppy.."

This was circulated email, with author unknown.. However- I thought it was cute..
"
How to photograph a puppy
1. Remove film from box and load camera.

2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

4. Choose a suitable background for photo.

5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

13. Put magazines back on coffee table.

14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

17. Clean up mess.

18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

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Old 03-15-2007, 01:46 PM   #2
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thats hilarious! i love it!!!

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Old 03-15-2007, 01:55 PM   #3
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Oh that is so funny! Keep them coming, made me smile.

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Old 03-15-2007, 02:20 PM   #4
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That is so cute! Great share! Thanks.
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Old 03-15-2007, 02:32 PM   #5
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This was great! Thanks for sharing.
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Old 03-15-2007, 02:53 PM   #6
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LOL! Its just like the "how to give a cat a pill."
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Old 03-15-2007, 03:45 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysterydog1 View Post
LOL! Its just like the "how to give a cat a pill."
LOLLLLLLLLL.. I want to see that one.. Can you make one up??? It would be great!

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Old 03-15-2007, 04:39 PM   #8
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Default How to give a cat a pill

Okay Borzoimom... Because you asked...



Instructions for giving your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call friend.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down, remove ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to friend's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, hold cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Get friend to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

How to give a dog a pill:
1) Wrap pill in bacon

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Old 03-15-2007, 05:23 PM   #9
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ROFLMBO!!!!!!! EXCELLENT! ( dying of laughter! )

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Old 03-16-2007, 12:09 AM   #10
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Funny stuff. Number 9 put me over the edge.

Of course, the alternate way to give a cat a pill...accidently drop one of yours on the floor, preferably one that causes diarrhea

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